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Helicopter parents are hovering parents. They pay extremely close attention to their children’s experiences and problems. They try to prevent their children from experiencing difficulty or failure and will not let them learn from their own mistakes. They pave the way, fight their kid’s battles for them, and protect them at all cost. Helicopter parents don’t allow their kids to fail or succeed on their own.
The problem with Helicopter Parenting is that these parents are too obsessed with their children. They turn them into the center of their universe and expect the entire world to do the same. These kids are over-managed, over-scheduled, highly pressured, and do not get the opportunity to be left alone, act as kids and learn from their own mistakes. They are protected to a degree that threatens their ability later in life to strike off on their own and form healthy relationships and proper job skills.
The constant hovering and managing of kids’ lives undermines their confidence and sends them a clear message: they can’t make it on their own. Kids should be protected from failure. They need to learn to deal with disappointment. It’s part of life. If we over-protect our children to the extent that they are shielded from ever feeling disappointment or experiencing failure, we are denying them the chance to learn that they can survive a failure, learn from it and move on.
Kids also need to learn to be self-reliant. Helicopter parents do not allow their kids the opportunity to become self-reliant. Obviously, the extent to which you’ll allow your child to manage on her own depends on her age and maturity level. But a good rule of thumb is that you should never do for a child what she can do for herself.
There’s a fine line between being involved in your kids life, being a caring, loving parent, and suffocating them. Helicopter parents may have crossed that line.
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2 Responses
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You are so right on every count. Don’t you think that the solution is to address the overwhelming anxiety these parents are experiencing (about the future–uncertainty– which means with the mess we’re in now, only more helicoptering to come). The more that they can handle their own anxiety the less they will act on it by micromanaging every step of their children’s lives….
I am a child anxiety specialist, but I also just wrote a book which is my version of the antidote to helicoptering– helping parents be grounded, not afraid of failure, disappointment, bad days etc. If you’re interested its: Freeing Your Child from Negative Thinking: Powerful, Practical Strategies to Build a LIfetime of Resilience, Flexibility and Happiness.
Tamar Chansky
Freeing Your Child
Hi Tamar,
I didn’t realize that these parents are in face anxious and that this is what causes their behavior. Thank you for the info and for mentioning your book.